I dreamt that you were alive, only for Ah Ma to remind me that you have actually passed away.
How forgetful can I be...?
Well, it just proves how deep our relationship was, and how much of you has been engraved in my heart.
Its becoming easier, as in I don't think of you that much...but occasionally i do, and it still saddens me. I miss holding on to your wrinkly hand...
Oh yea, I'm gonna graduate soon...thought you would be around to see me graduate, but I promise that when I get back to KL, I'll go visit you and tell you how everything went. Remember you said you wanted to see me graduate? Well, I am going to...and I'm sure you can still see me from high above.
Anyway, I'm sure you've got many stories to tell me since we havent chatted for such a long time...save it and tell me when I see you again in heaven, ok?
Still loving you...so much.
Its been ages since I had a long deep thought about you. I still miss you. So much. But I guess I've learnt a little more that life goes on, and I will have to put all the mourning and grieving behind me. To some extent, I feel that by putting all those behind me, I'm forgetting you. But I'm not, and I dont intend to at all. But, remembering you again makes me cry. Thats coz I miss you...
I still forgot that you were gone. Coz that day, I was thinking of going home, and I thought I would be seeing u again. Just for one milisecond, before I came to my senses and realized that its already more than a year that you've been gone...
I'm still learning to let go...and I know that if I could just talk to you for one last time, you would be telling me to let go...and that you will be looking down at me from heaven. I can just hear what you would be saying to me. But Ah Kong, the relationship we shared is just too much to let go.
I miss you...
You were my protector.
I would cry out "Ah KOngggg...." and you would come running to me to make things right. Whether it was me getting scolded by Ah Ma, or being bullied in school or not being able to finish my food. There was once where my little finger got clawed by the crab, and it bled badly. Papa scolded me, coz I was careless, and I went to my room to cry. You were the first one to come up to my room and hug me and sayang me back. I still remember crying "Ah Konggggg..." like usual and you just sat on the bed and said "Its ok, dont cry..." Then you looked at my finger and prayed with me.
I know you loved me so much...but I don't know whether I manage to do everything I could with you. You know what makes me sad? Not being able to still do things with you. I really really miss all the times that we spent together. It might have been a chore that time, but I truly treasure them now.
I love you, Ah Kong...
I badly miss you now.
Just miss you warm touch. Your hugs. You used to ask me to sit next to u, and i was little enough to put my head on your tummy.
I miss the way u call me, and reach out for my hand to sit me down next to u.
I miss eating lunches with you.
I miss waking u up from your naps. I would slowly call your name, or touch your hand to wake you. I sometimes kissed your cheek. And you would open your eyes.
I miss holding your hand when u were walking. Your hand was warm and rough. But I loved the way it felt.
I miss you. I just miss you. And i cant do anything. And I never can.
Its been ages since I wrote in this blog about you, coz I try not to think about the times we had together...coz it makes me sad. I miss you so much, Ah Kong. But today, as I bravely read through all the past posts that i have written, I want to start remembering and blogging those memories again. And hopefully I will get over the grief.
Remember how we were getting all ready for your 50th wedding anniversary? Your golden wedding anniversary and at that time you were still strong enough to plan, and propose your ideas to us. You were as excited as we were. I was so excited too, it was such a big thing to me at that time.
We were sorting out the stage events and you came up with this bright idea of singing "I'm in the mood for love" on stage with Ah Ma. You made me play the chords on the piano so you could sing it...and then you wanted Ah Ma to sing along with you. But of course, she was shy and she didnt want.
Your birthdays...you wanted a satay party all the time remember?? Haha! You never got one, but i'm sure you're enjoying a satay feast in heaven.
missing u...so much.
I remember how uncle Lawrence used to give up Pizza Hut coupons. And you would take us to the Taman Tun Pizza Hut for lunch. We would order pizza's and the salad bar, and I remember us trying to fill up the bowl to the fullest.
You loved pizza...and you would allow us to order as much as we wanted. You wouldnt mind what flavour, as long as we like it.
Also, remember the time when I was little, you wanted to take us kids to eat at Pizza Hut and I cried coz I didnt want to go? And coz I didnt want to go, everybody else couldnt go...coz you suited me. You always tried to suit me...even at the expense of others. Coz I was special to you...
It was some week night, and you arranged a colouring competition for us. Kor kor, Jon and I. I remember you borrowing my colouring book and taking me to the photocopy shop to photostat a few pages so you could organize the competition.
We had to colour Mickey Mouse. We sat at your dining table after dinner, and started to colour while you watched tv. Since Nicholas was older, he became the judge with you. Jon's Mickey Mouse had sunglasses, which I thought was terrible, and so I thought he would lose.
When it was time for you to judge, you looked at Jon's first and said "Very nice". Then you looked at mine and said the same thing, and Kor's was very nice too. And you gave all of us first prize! I was shocked. But anyway, it was a little box of colour pencil's for all of us. And Nick, being the judged got RM10 i think. Which made Jon jump coz he wanted RM10 too.
